So, here we are in 2019! Happy New Year! I hope your year is off to a great start so far. I usually enjoy the first day of a new year. Honestly, it’s really just another day. January 1 is not all that different from December 31 or January 2. In reality, it’s just another twenty-four hour stretch on the calendar. But I think the first day of a new year signifies a fresh start. It’s a chance to look back at the past year and remember and savor the good times, reflect on what we learned from the bad times, and set out on the first day of what we hope will be an even better year.

From what I’ve heard lately, it seems like 2018 was a tough one for a lot of people. For me, it was the best of times and the worst of times. It was the first year of my life that I had total freedom to make my own choices and be myself. I met some amazing people who have brought me so much joy. I have definitely learned a lot about myself and about relationships, which is a never-ending journey in both cases. I adopted some new hobbies and discovered some talents I didn’t know I had. I experienced my share of low moments, though. I made a lot of terrible mistakes. I met some not-so-great people out there. I got my heart broken badly more than once. I also got divorced after 15 years of marriage. I guess it would be accurate to say that 2018 was quite the roller coaster ride for me.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about creating new memories, making broken things into beautiful things. Around the beginning of last year, I was looking around in various thrift stores (something I love to do!) for a full length mirror to go in my bedroom. I had been wanting one for a long time and thought I might try my hand at buying a nice used one and repainting it. I was fortunate to find an absolutely beautiful oval mirror for $20.00 (that is my kind of deal)! I didn’t exactly know what I was doing, but I thought I would just jump in and give it a shot. Now, I had never renovated anything in my life……I did not realize that hand-sanding wooden spindles can be a ridiculously tedious job! I literally hand-sanded this entire piece, the mirror frame and the whole entire stand that came with it. You better believe I bought an electric sander after that project! It took some time and effort, but I eventually turned it into a beautiful piece that I was proud of. Next, I upcycled an end table. After that, I painted a huge rocking chair for a friend. I have now refurbished and sold several different things. Who knew I could do this? It’s been exciting to discover things I’m good at that I was never aware of before.

There was one piece in particular, though, that was extremely difficult to work with. I bought a large handmade bookshelf for $5.00 and thought I had just hit the jackpot! However, when I started trying to sand it, I realized that it was covered in several thick layers of paint. As I applied coat after coat of various strippers and scraped huge clumps of gross paint off this thing. I found out that it had a layer of light blue paint underneath a layer of bright yellow…..underneath a layer of bright orange…..underneath at least one, if not two layers of very gummy white paint. Oh. My. Goodness. Now, I realize that this may sound just a little bit….well, “different”….but I name my furniture pieces. This bookshelf was named Hank….Hank the Hellion (my apologies to all the Hanks out there). Hank and I started having a very rocky relationship with one another! I burned my skin on Jasco paint stripper, inhaled Goof Off fumes, went through tons of sandpaper squares, wrecked my garage floor….I thought I would never be able to make Hank into anything half decent. There were times I just wanted to give up on him altogether. But FINALLY…..after working on him for several months, I had a lovely navy bookshelf with fabric-backed shelves that is currently for sale! Looking at the mess that was Hank before, it didn’t look like anything could be done to fix him. Looking now, that is probably one of my favorite pieces I’ve ever worked on. Hank cleaned up quite nicely. : )

Is there something in your life that looks like it can’t be fixed? Maybe you have a painful memory. If you’re reading this and you’ve been through divorce, I’m sure you have several of those. Major holidays often bring up uncomfortable memories for us. Maybe these days remind you of the way things once were, good times that you will never experience again. Or maybe you’re reminded of bad times that you don’t want to think about but that can’t help but haunt you around this time of year. Maybe you’re alone now and don’t know what to make of days when most people are celebrating with their loving families. And you know what? That hurts. And it sucks. And it’s okay that it hurts. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to get down about it. That is all a part of the healing process, and an important one at that.

I think there are layers to this whole thing we’re all going through, one of those being that cold, aching layer of realizing that things are different now. It takes time to get through all the layers to where we can start to create something new and beautiful out of all the damage that has been done. Maybe you feel like you’re the one who has caused a lot of the damage you’re suffering from and are dealing with guilt right now. But let me encourage you that no matter what has happened, you can make something new and beautiful. Will it look like what you had before? No, probably not. Will it happen overnight? Definitely not. Will it sometimes feel like you’re taking two steps backward for every step you take forward? Yes, most likely. But if you keep trying…….if you get back up each time you get down……..if you allow yourself to feel the pain but you refuse to camp out there…..if you give yourself grace when you fail and love yourself more with each moment of progress you make……you will see something beautiful emerge from this wreckage. It just takes time to work through it all in order to get to the good parts. Don’t ever give up. Don’t stop sanding! : )

So, how about this new year we’re looking at right now? You think we can make something beautiful out of it? I think we can. For me, I have to strip off guilt over the very, very dumb mistakes I’ve made. I have to work through layers of severe trust issues from having been deeply hurt and mistreated. I’m finding out that there actually are good people out there who can be trusted. I have to scrape away the layer that tries to annihilate my newfound confidence and make me revert to believing the lie that I am an unlovable failure. I have fallen down a lot this past year, but I will always…..always…..keep getting back up. I want to see my beautiful. I am already seeing glimpses of it! What are your layers? How are you working through it? You’re not alone. You’ve got this. Your beautiful is on its way.

I am strong. You are strong. Let’s do this together!