Helloooooooo, Single People…..or soon to be single people……or unhappily taken people (if you’re in loooove, none of this applies to you).  So, today’s the day, (Un)Official Ignore All Social Media Day, Careful Where You Choose to Dine Alone Day, Pretend You Love Being Single Day….whatever you want to call it.  It’s the day where chocolate companies and flower shops make a killing off a holiday on which we’re supposed to celebrate love, particularly romantic love.  Our newsfeeds will undoubtedly be filled today and tonight with pictures of all the ladies receiving flowers at their workplaces, of men waxing long about how lovely and priceless their treasure of a woman is, couples dressed up and dining out together, and various proclamations of love that could make even the sappiest of saps throw up a little……yeah, all that fun stuff.  Hey, it is what it is.  It’s the day for people who love each other to make sure the whole world knows about it.  People who love each other like to put it on display often, from what I assume.

When I was a kid, I used to say Valentine’s Day was my favorite holiday.  I thought the red and pink colors and the sparkly hearts were pretty and also loved the idea of people being in love.  I looked forward to the day when I would *really* get to participate in Valentine’s Day.  Sadly, I’ve never actually had a really good Valentine’s Day that I can remember.  For the most part, it has always seemed to fall in between relationships for me, so I was usually single on that day in high school and college.  During marriage, it was still no fun.  In fact, I had some absolutely horrific ones while married.  A holiday that was once my favorite eventually became a day of dread for me.   Even if nothing really “bad” happened on that day, it was still hard for me to look online and see all of those things I mentioned above, all the platitudes and showers of affection, when there I was…..I wasn’t technically alone. I was married.  But in reality, I felt indescribably alone, empty, and neglected.   Even now, though, it’s still hard to see all the true love out there.  I’m sure many of you can relate.

So, how do we cope?  Well, if you’re like me, you first put on your Tough Self, the part of you that can handle anything.  You might say things to others and to yourself like, “It’s just a day, just like any other day.  No big deal.”  Or maybe you console yourself with something like, “It’s so commercial anyway.  It doesn’t really mean anything.”  Or you could even say, “Well….you know….if you really love someone, you should love them every day, not just on Valentine’s Day.  Why do you need to do some sort of grand gesture to show how you feel about your significant other?”  All of that is true.

But as you check your Facebook or Instagram or whatever other social media platform you use, as you navigate the public scene throughout your day and see all the reminders of what day it is, maybe even as you go out tonight -if you choose to- and see all of the sickeningly sweet happy couples, your other self comes out to play, your Unfiltered Self, wherein all of your true feelings lie.  And you may think things like,

“This hurts.”

“I feel so alone today.”

“I feel stupid for caring about this, and yet I do.”

All of that is okay.

Honestly, even though I know it’s commercial and sometimes involves inauthentic displays of emotion for the sake of pleasing one’s partner and participating in a somewhat exclusive holiday, I think the core idea of Valentine’s Day is…….kinda nice.  I think it’s a good thing to set aside a day to celebrate your love for someone special in your life.  Sure, they know you love them.  But how nice it would be to dedicate a day to really showing them a little extra love.  Yes, it’s true that it is just another day in a lot of ways.  But truthfully, so is Christmas.  So is Thanksgiving.  So are Halloween and Easter and even our own birthdays, yet we celebrate them (and trust me, you can’t get any more “commercial” than Christmas!).  It isn’t even about what you do, where you go, or how much money you spend.  It’s simply about putting a little extra effort, just a little more than usual-however you choose to do it-into making sure your SO feels especially loved by you.   So, I don’t demonize the holiday just because I’ve never had that experience.  I think it’s nice.

However, it’s not easy when it seems that everyone around you is having that experience and you’re not.  If you’re fresh off divorce, it can really be painful.  To be honest, it’s kind of hard to know what to say, because I’m right there with you.  I feel it too.  But I have something I say to myself sometimes when I’m having a horrible day……there are only twenty-four hours in a day.  In just a few more hours, do you know what day it will be?  February 15.  We don’t celebrate lovey-dovey stuff on that day.  Stores are clearing out all the hearts and valentines and putting out shamrocks, starting tomorrow.  No one will care anymore about what happened on this day, starting tomorrow.  Cards will get tossed or lost, flowers will die, candy will disappear one way or another, and we will all just keep moving on with our lives. 

So today or tonight, if you need to avoid the internet completely so that you don’t have to see all the mushy stuff, I salute you.  I’m pretty much doing that too.  If you need to go off by yourself and take your own self out to dinner tonight, maybe have an uber on hand just in case, I salute you.  I’m literally going to date my own damn self tonight, and I make no apologies.  If it would make you feel better to put on a movie, chill at your house in your PJ’s, and proudly devour an entire pint of ice cream, although that wouldn’t make *me* feel better, I salute you!  If you can find other single friends who are available tonight and wanna go have a night out with them, I totally salute you.  Whatever makes you feel better today, go for it!

As for our lovestruck friends….well…..let’s not be too cruel.  They can’t help it. Truth be told, we wouldn’t mind being in their shoes, right?  And hopefully we will be one day.  Just not today.  It’s okay.  As tough as it is to be alone on a day where you feel like your literally swimming in the sea of everyone else’s romantic bliss, just remember that your singleness isn’t because you’re not worthy of love.  It isn’t because there’s something wrong with you.  It isn’t because you don’t deserved to be cherished and treated kindly by someone.  It’s just this point in the journey, this painful, rocky, crappy point on the road to Better…..not perfect, not “everything is totally fine now,” but Better.  Hang in there a few more hours, and this will genuinely become “just another day.”

As for me, I am looking forward to my birthday coming up soon…..apparently, it falls on National Drink Wine Day this year…..happy birthday to me! 😊

I am strong. You are strong. Let’s do this together!