Featherly is a strange-sounding word, likely because it actually isn’t a word at all. I do admit to adding my own personal creations to my vocabulary from time to time. : ) I’m sure I’m not the first person to use this word. However, I do have a unique explanation as to why I choose to identify with it.

When I first started the divorce process, one big step for me was changing my email. Being the artsy person that I am, I had to put a lot of thought into an interesting email address. I’m just not one of those people that can use some variation of their name, maybe stick their birthday or year of graduation on the end, and call it a day (not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course). I remember sitting in my parents’ spare bedroom in their home in North Carolina, the only bed I’d slept in for over two weeks, trying to figure out what to “name myself.” I thought about the new life that possibly awaited me and wanted something that symbolized that (yes, I realize that I got pretty damn deep about an email address). I kept thinking of words like “new” and “free” and “freedom.” Nothing was really striking a chord with me.

I started thinking about the feeling of being weightless and light. I thought about what a burden would be lifted off of me once I was finally out of the situation I had been in for so long, one of abuse and control. So, what was weightless and light? Obviously, a feather was the first thing that came to mind. I started thinking about the characteristics of a feather, how they move and float through the air, and realized that if you try to throw a feather into the air………you really can’t. You can toss it up, but it’s not easy to force it to go as high as you want or in any direction you want it to go. Feathers just kind of do their own thing. They’re a bit resistant to control. When the feather starts to float downward, the turns it will take and the exact place it will land is unpredictable. It will spin, turn, weave throughout the air in its own way. But no matter where it lands, it will land softly.

Looking at the sum of all these features, I said, “That’s me!” No longer would I be tossed wherever someone wanted me to go. I wouldn’t be forced to jump when someone said to or take the direction they chose for me. Yes, my life had been totally thrown up in the air into a crazy realm of unpredictability. In that moment, I had no idea what turn it would take and no way of knowing where I would ultimately land. But one thing I did know is that I would land softly. I would be fine. I had been through so much at that point that I felt confident I would be able to handle anything that came my way in the future. I was impossible to control, totally unpredictable, and strong enough to make it no matter what. I was “featherly.”

The feather has kind of become my personal symbol since then. About a month after I officially filed for divorce, I got my very first tattoo…..a feather with the word “free” over the top of it. I am finally free from those confining circumstances, free from the fear and the abuse, free from the choke hold on my true self.

The “173” simply stands for “2017,” the year I decided to get out of my situation, plus a “3” for myself and my two kids – a new family made up of just the three of us. This all seems like a small thing, just a silly made-up word. But for me, it was the first step in finally recognizing my true identity and having a say over who I want to be.

Do you have a personal symbol that you identify with? Maybe you have a phrase that you say to yourself to remind yourself that you’re strong and you can make it. Is there a place you go or music you listen to, something you carry in your wallet or purse, something you meditate on when life gets you down, something that gets you back in touch with who you are and uplifts you? If you’re reading this and you have something like that for yourself, let me know in the comments!

I am strong. You are strong. Let’s do this together.