If our childhoods taught us one thing, it’s this……..the world of gum is quite diverse.  Yes, I said gum.  I remember participating in a bubble-blowing contest once when I was around 7 or 8 years old.  I was afraid the enormous bubble would burst and get in my hair…..and as I had experienced before, as I’m sure many of you have as well, gum in your hair is the absolute worst (I won the contest, by the way).  Basic pink bubble gum, though, was never really my thing.  It almost tasted like the paper wrapper it came in.  I loved grape and orange Hubba Bubba, but wasn’t much on Bubblicious. My all-time favorite, though, was the Hawaiian Punch flavored bubble gum!  But whenever you wanted some gum from an adult, they never had the good stuff.  They carried chewing gum, always something like Double Mint or plain old Wrigley’s.  It was okay, but not amazing.  My mom frequently had cinnamon, though, which I appreciated.   I think most of us remember Bazooka Joe gum, which was frankly more trouble than it was worth. 

One particular brand, though, that always intrigued and annoyed me in equal amounts was the iconic Fruit Stripe.  Every time I would see a colorful pack of that stuff, all the disappointment I had previously experienced from it would vanish from my mind, and I had to have it.  I liked the zebra mascot.  I liked the temporary tattoos that came with it.  I was fascinated by the fact that I could buy a single pack of gum and experience a confetti of flavors.  Green!  Purple!  Orange!  Yellow!  Every color in the rainbow all in one pack!  It was a celebration of flavors!  Yet, sadly, we all know how that story ends, every single time.  You choose a yummy, interesting flavor and chew it for literally about 2-5 minutes before it becomes a flavorless, disintegrated wad of mush in your mouth.  You go on repeating this process, chewing up and spitting out different flavors over and over again, working through the pack quickly even though your mom told you not to chew it all up (she knew…).  Whole pack might last through the day, maybe into the next day.  Overall, it’s an intense yet discouraging experience.  We say we won’t ever go there again.  Yet, the next time we’re at Big Lots with our parents and see that rainbow package, just like always, we just have to have it!

So, as I have meandered through the crazy adult post-divorce dating scene, I have come to see how relationships are relatable to different types of gum.  I know that sounds super weird.  I ponder life deeply, and I do it often.  When I do it, I frequently think of life metaphorically.  This being one of those times……hang with me.  I’m going somewhere with this.

Bubble gum, for example, is pretty much used for recreational purposes.  It’s not so much a need, but a want.  It’s for fun.  You blow bubbles with it (yes….I know what you’re thinking right now…..behave 😉).  You know it’s not going to last long.  In fact, in most cases, pink bubble gum is pink bubble gum.  Same basic taste, same function, same experience.  Others might have more interesting flavors, but the purpose and duration is about the same in the end.  These are our hookups, one night stands, flings, etc.  Fun, sometimes interestingly flavored, but clearly just for fun and not intended to last once the fun has been had.  And though we all enjoy it sometimes, too much of it is not amazingly good for you, much like sugary bubble gum.

We also have those relationships that are like Fruit Stripe, unfortunately.  It seems like such a great idea!  The package catches your eye, the prospect of all the great things you might experience lures you in, and the initial flavor totally knocks your socks off!  But the intensity is short-lived.  No sooner have you gotten into it than it fizzles out.  What you originally thought would be an amazing relationship just kind of…….disintegrates and loses all of it’s sparkle.  Most of us have experienced this at least once at some point.  More on this in a few minutes…….

Some of us find ourselves getting involved with Bazooka Joe-type relationships.  Oh, those…..they are not so great.  Looks like fun, looks unique and interesting.  You know it’s just pink bubble gum, but it seems more appealing than just the regular stuff you’re used to.  It’s square!  It comes with comics!  You can tell you’ll have to work at it to make it what you want it to be, but you always think you’re up to the challenge……until, that is, you almost break a tooth trying to bite into the little pink brick that calls itself bubble gum.  And in the end, you wind up with a generic, unremarkable piece of gum that you knew you were getting from the start, but still just had to have.  These are the relationships that we know will be tough right from the get-go, but we do it anyway.  And we get hurt and wear ourselves out trying to make them work, only to have them turn out to be nothing of value.  We ignore our instincts, brushing aside all the red flags we see, only to regret it in the end.

There are also some of us who get involved in Wrigley’s or Double Mint relationships.  Let’s be honest…most people don’t chew these for the flavor.  These freshen your breath, give you something to chew to pass the time or to keep from overeating, etc.  This is the “practical gum.”  You can’t really blow very good bubbles with this stuff.  It’s super-adhesive (do not….I repeat, DO NOT…..get this stuff stuck in your hair or your kids’ hair!  It is the worst of the worst!)  This is why adults carried it all the time.  It’s somewhat refreshing with its minty flavor, but it isn’t particularly exciting or interesting.  However, it serves a purpose, it’s functional, and that’s…….well, that’s about it, honestly.  This reminds me of when people enter into relationships out of convenience.  Practicality.  Security.  There isn’t anything particularly mind-blowing about their partner.  They may love and care about their partner, but they aren’t in love with them.  They get involved, maybe even get married, because it just makes good sense.  Maybe some of us reach a certain age where we simply feel that marriage is something we must do with our lives.  And rather than wait on true love to find us somehow, we go for what looks like a practical, sensible, responsible idea.  Know what happens?  We get stuck in things like that.  We get stuck, and it is damn hard to get out.  But wait a minute……….what about people who actually do like peppermint and spearmint chewing gum?  Well, I would theorize that for some people, sensibility and practicality are all they’re looking for.  It’s not to say that they don’t need love.  Everyone needs love.  I mean to say that perhaps they don’t need any spicy cinnamon passion or big bubbles (clean thoughts, friends 😉) or interesting flavors.  Maybe they just need to know that someone will stick around and be there to contribute the missing pieces to their life-portrait.  Nothing more, nothing less.  But if that’s not all we’re looking for, we don’t need to get stuck in it to start with. 

And then…….we have Extra.  Stride.  Orbit (sometimes).  Trident.  These are the ones that last.  These are the ones where we have the option to choose the flavors that suit our particular tastes, yet they don’t fall apart after the initial experience is had (lookin’ at you, Fruit Stripe).  Yes, we eventually have to freshen it up with another piece, but it stays with you.  It never completely loses its flavor.  There is substance there.  These are the really good relationships.  They stay interesting because you love each other and you keep things fresh when you need to.  They stand the test of time.  They will last as long as you want them to.  These aren’t the relationships that you spit out because they completely lose their sparkle, but because your time with them has simply run its course.  And sometimes, we find one we stick with forever.  Although you obviously don’t chew a single piece of gum for the rest of your life, I think you get my point with all of this. 

An interesting facet of this whole analogy is that the type of relationship you find yourself in at any given point might be determined by different things.  Sometimes, it’s just the nature of the relationship.  It’s the unique chemistry between the two people involved that decides whether this is going to be a bubble gum thing for about 30 minutes or so, a Fruit Stripe situation where it’s amazing for a few weeks or months and then fizzles out, or an Extra thing where it’s going to stick around.  However, some people might have a pattern that flavors the majority of their relationships.  Imagine you have a pack of gum.  Inside each little silver sleeve is a different type.  Some of them are sticks of Fruit Stripe, some are bubble gum, some are Double Mint, some are Extra.  That pack of gum could represent the relationship history of most of us.  But for some, their entire relationship history might be a pack of Fruit Stripe.  Maybe that is how they do relationships, getting into them with all the excitement and intensity and gusto in the world, only to be over it in a few months later.  They do this with everyone they get involved with and never end up settling down as a result.  Or maybe they only have a few pieces in their pocket, but all of them are Extra.  They don’t get involved with people unless it’s going to be a long term thing.  Maybe all they want to do is blow bubbles all the time!  Everyone’s different.  The point is that sometimes the way a relationship turns out is due to the nature of the relationship itself, and sometimes it’s an indication of a pattern on our part.

So, what was the point in sharing these strange observations of mine?  How could one use this information? 

First of all, we might need to be more aware of what we’re getting into early on in our relationships.  Does it look too good to be true?  It probably is.  Does it look like it’s going to be crazy hard work and we’re not sure it’s worth it?  It probably will be and it probably isn’t.  There are exceptions to the rules, of course.  But gut feelings, true instinctual vibes, should at least be given a right to be heard before we charge forward.  Do you see red flags?  Don’t ignore them.  Is the package flashy and the advertising alluring when you know deep down that there is nothing of value inside?  Walk away – you know how that will end.  Does it make perfect sense and seem like a practical idea but does very little to inspire, excite, or fulfill you on a profound level?  Not worth getting stuck in.  Let’s face it……love is often not practical, responsible, or logical, right?  Does it seem like it could have promise?  Give it a shot!  Enjoy it!  Savor it.  But we don’t need to bite off more than we can chew, so to speak.  Know what you’re looking for, know what you don’t want, and choose wisely.

Secondly, we need to look at our own patterns with how we behave in relationships.  Do we have commitment issues?  Do we base our relationships on love, lust, what makes sense, pure emotion, or something else?  Do we have a variety pack, or are we carrying around a pack of the same thing?  If we have unhealthy relationship patterns, it’s important to recognize that and do something about it.  Maybe we need to learn to seek out the cinnamon spice we’re really craving instead of settling for the same old boring spearmint all the time.  Maybe we need to learn to stick with things instead of bailing after the initial excitement settles down.  Maybe we need to stop biting into difficult relationship that we know will only hurt us and leave us with nothing great to show for all we’ve put ourselves through.  We need to look at these things so that we can better take care of not only ourselves, but also anyone we enter into a relationship with.

So, yes………..those are my thoughts for the day.  Dating life is like a pack of gum…….but you can and should know what you’re getting (and giving!). 

I am strong.  You are strong.  Let’s do this together!